How many times have you talked yourself out of making a purchase that was important or meaningful to you?
This week, I had some big conversations about the ways that women self-sabotage. What I realized is that my clients come to see me with the biggest, most generous hearts ever. On top of that, they’re really giving past the point of what feels appreciated or comfortable.
As women, we’re conditioned to give, give, give.
Our level of self-sacrifice is attributed to our ability to be good moms and wives. We become wildly uncomfortable with spending money on ourselves for things that are important.
Our self-sacrifice makes us feel as though we are being financially responsible. We tell ourselves, “I’ll wait to get this because I can wait.” And we are good at looking frugal, so we say, “I can’t justify spending that kind of money on myself, so I’m going to spend it on something for the house or something for the kids because that’s more practical.”
Waiting or looking frugal isn’t that helpful to us. When we use the money on those things or experiences that are important to us, we end up feeling satisfied. We end up feeling whatever we were trying to feel when we bought a thing, experience or whatever else. That feeling is much different than when we don’t.
So, let’s say we’re thinking about buying something for ourselves, but then we don’t. Instead, we use the money we saved on stuff for the house or kids. We may have used the money on something good for our home or family, but we end up still feeling unsatisfied. Then, we overspend in other areas.
We buy more for the house, more for the spouse, more for the kids, and we justify it because it wasn’t for us. When we make deep sacrifices to give something that’s kinda mundane, it may not be appreciated. And then, we’re left holding a bag of feeling resentful and unappreciated.
Recently, I spoke to a client who described it as a “low-level annoyed”.
She described her relationship with her kids as “low-level annoyed” because she’s always giving. She’s doing it at an extreme sacrifice, and they seem ungrateful or unappreciative. We want to start thinking about making high-joy purchases as something that nourishes your soul. It’s something that’s going to provide you lasting happiness in some way, shape, or form.
I want you to reconsider talking yourself out of it because a lot of times, what I end up seeing in clients, is when they do make those investments, they end up showing up differently in life. Here’s a quick example. I had a client recently who’s been putting off clothes purchases. She has enough money available to go out and buy herself some new clothes. She’s been putting it off for way too long.
She always finds other reasons to use the money. She buys stuff for her adult kids. She goes places with her boyfriend and spends the money while they’re out. Besides, the money was going to be spent either way, but when she finally spent that money on herself, she showed up differently.
And in doing that, she also got a brand new job. She’s starting in a couple of weeks and it includes a substantial raise. It’s not directly attributed to the clothes, but the way that she showed up mattered. It changed how she felt about herself.
These are the types situations where we sometimes don’t notice how much we tolerate because we never let those upgrades occur. We talk ourselves out of it. When you’re considering making an upgrade to your life and an investment in yourself, be cognizant of what you’d be trading it in for. And in some cases, I want you to be able to push past the uncomfortableness of investing in yourself. It’s okay to spend money on yourself.
I know what it sounds like. And you may be questioning what I’m saying, “This financial advisor is telling me to spend more money?” But that’s not really true. The money is going to be spent either way and we want to use our resources to invest in ourselves so that we can be our best selves.